Here are 10 surefire ways to avoid a healthy lifestyle and pack on some extra blubber while you’re at it. Each tip here has been proven effective at ridding you of a sexy lean body while simultaneously raising your BMI. Enjoy!
10. Skip Breakfast. This may sound like a strange way to gain fat, but if you skip meals (especially breakfast) your body can think it’s starving. When your body goes into starvation mode, it becomes extra proficient at storing calories as fat. A good way to take advantage of this would be to go 10-12 hours without eating, like by skipping breakfast, and then gorge yourself with as big a lunch as you can. This way your body will be saving every little calorie you give it.
9. Sleep less. This is a trick which works for a number of reasons. Sleeping less will give your body less rest which will increase your stress throughout the day. Stress is not only a great motivator for eating, but it also increases levels of certain hormones that trigger weight gain. Another reason that sleeping less is great is that now you’ll have more time to eat! For an extra pound or two, try gorging yourself with high calorie foods right before bed. These calories are more likely to be stored as fat!
8. Lower vegetable intake. Vegetables are simply empty vitamins. They have very little, if any, caloric content. Vegetables will fill you up so you won’t be able to cram in the better, more fattening choices. Some vegetables contain less calories than it takes to digest them so you actually wind up burning calories while eating! Avoid them at all costs.
7. Snack constantly. Who says that there are only 3 meal times in a day? Five or six meals a day are much better. However, if you can’t get away 6 times a day for a meal, try munching on candy bars and sodas while you wait. A good rule of thumb is to always have some food in or on its way to your mouth.
6. Increase your meal portions. You simply aren’t going to get fat eating small girly portions of food. A surefire way to pack on the pounds is to eat double of whatever you think you need. If you need help in this area, try ordering anything in a restaurant. It’s almost certain that they will provide you with more than one serving of everything. Also, always remember to ’supersize it’ any time you can. The average person can usually process about 700 calories per meal. Anything over that gets stored as fat almost immediately. That’s just what you need to get your body to super-sized proportions quickly.
5. Eat fried foods. French fries, fried chicken, fried onion rings, etc. are all good. When something is fried, it is literally soaked in oil which means lots of saturated fats. Saturated fats are not only great for gaining weight, but they are also great at giving you all kinds of health problems – particularly with your heart. If you can up your daily intake of fried potatoes, then you’ll definitely have no trouble upping your weight.
4. Stop drinking water. Like the veggies, water just takes up precious space in the real estate of your gut. If you really want to get as fat as possible, you should stop drinking water all together. Some even speculate that drinking water can cause you to lose weight in and of itself. If there’s no Coke around, reach for a sweet tea. If there’s no sweet tea, reach for the maple syrup. Water must be avoided at all costs!
3. Eat fast food more often. Fast food restaurants are like the embassies of weight gain. These places not only serve the most fattening foods, they also genuinely want to help you in your commitment to put on fat. They provide cheap, fast, and extraordinarily fattening additions to the weight gain diet. Would you like fries with that? Heck Yes! How about a 64oz soft drink with your 1,000 calorie meal? Brilliant!
2. Drink lots of soft drinks. Seriously, this is one of the best ways to pack on the pounds. Coke, Pepsi and all other forms of soft drinks are loaded with high fructose corn syrup. This substance is chemically altered to be sweet and cheap. However, it is also toxic to your body. It actually blocks certain receptors in your brain that tell you when you’re full, so you just keep eating and drinking. Plus, the caffeine in these drinks makes them highly addictive.
1. Never, Ever Exercise. Come on people, this one should be fairly obvious. To get fat, you need to store calories. Exercise, however, burns calories. This is simply counterproductive to the fat plan. If you can, I recommend driving everywhere, even if it’s within walking distance. Also, opt for the elevator instead of the stairs. Lastly, if you can, I’d encourage at least 4-5 hours of idle tv watching a night. This is a great way to save on spending any extra calories.
