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Top 10 Ways to Get Fat
Here are 10 surefire ways to avoid a healthy lifestyle and pack on some extra blubber while you’re at it. Each tip here has been proven effective at ridding you of a sexy lean body while simultaneously raising your BMI. Enjoy!
10. Skip Breakfast. This may sound like a strange way to gain fat, but if you skip meals (especially breakfast) your body can think it’s starving. When your body goes into starvation mode, it becomes extra proficient at storing calories as fat. A good way to take advantage of this would be to go 10-12 hours without eating, like by skipping breakfast, and then gorge yourself with as big a lunch as you can. This way your body will be saving every little calorie you give it.
9. Sleep less. This is a trick which works for a number of reasons. Sleeping less will give your body less rest which will increase your stress throughout the day. Stress is not only a great motivator for eating, but it also increases levels of certain hormones that trigger weight gain. Another reason that sleeping less is great is that now you’ll have more time to eat! For an extra pound or two, try gorging yourself with high calorie foods right before bed. These calories are more likely to be stored as fat!
8. Lower vegetable intake. Vegetables are simply empty vitamins. They have very little, if any, caloric content. Vegetables will fill you up so you won’t be able to cram in the better, more fattening choices. Some vegetables contain less calories than it takes to digest them so you actually wind up burning calories while eating! Avoid them at all costs.
7. Snack constantly. Who says that there are only 3 meal times in a day? Five or six meals a day are much better. However, if you can’t get away 6 times a day for a meal, try munching on candy bars and sodas while you wait. A good rule of thumb is to always have some food in or on its way to your mouth.
6. Increase your meal portions. You simply aren’t going to get fat eating small girly portions of food. A surefire way to pack on the pounds is to eat double of whatever you think you need. If you need help in this area, try ordering anything in a restaurant. It’s almost certain that they will provide you with more than one serving of everything. Also, always remember to ’supersize it’ any time you can. The average person can usually process about 700 calories per meal. Anything over that gets stored as fat almost immediately. That’s just what you need to get your body to super-sized proportions quickly.
5. Eat fried foods. French fries, fried chicken, fried onion rings, etc. are all good. When something is fried, it is literally soaked in oil which means lots of saturated fats. Saturated fats are not only great for gaining weight, but they are also great at giving you all kinds of health problems - particularly with your heart. If you can up your daily intake of fried potatoes, then you’ll definitely have no trouble upping your weight.
4. Stop drinking water. Like the veggies, water just takes up precious space in the real estate of your gut. If you really want to get as fat as possible, you should stop drinking water all together. Some even speculate that drinking water can cause you to lose weight in and of itself. If there’s no Coke around, reach for a sweet tea. If there’s no sweet tea, reach for the maple syrup. Water must be avoided at all costs!
3. Eat fast food more often. Fast food restaurants are like the embassies of weight gain. These places not only serve the most fattening foods, they also genuinely want to help you in your commitment to put on fat. They provide cheap, fast, and extraordinarily fattening additions to the weight gain diet. Would you like fries with that? Heck Yes! How about a 64oz soft drink with your 1,000 calorie meal? Brilliant!
2. Drink lots of soft drinks. Seriously, this is one of the best ways to pack on the pounds. Coke, Pepsi and all other forms of soft drinks are loaded with high fructose corn syrup. This substance is chemically altered to be sweet and cheap. However, it is also toxic to your body. It actually blocks certain receptors in your brain that tell you when you’re full, so you just keep eating and drinking. Plus, the caffeine in these drinks makes them highly addictive.
1. Never, Ever Exercise. Come on people, this one should be fairly obvious. To get fat, you need to store calories. Exercise, however, burns calories. This is simply counterproductive to the fat plan. If you can, I recommend driving everywhere, even if it’s within walking distance. Also, opt for the elevator instead of the stairs. Lastly, if you can, I’d encourage at least 4-5 hours of idle tv watching a night. This is a great way to save on spending any extra calories.
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Hai,
This is lavanya here, I would like to get a medium and structured body because now a days I feel very bad on myself, I am loosing my weight day to day because of my stress ,tension and not taking proper foods eventhough I am loosing my hair also, Now I am 24yrs. I want to achieve lot a thing in my life ,this is a great issue for me. I am thinking always about my health and my family and why I am getting lose of weight.It make me to feel I am not fit for anything. So please give me a health and wealthy tips to improve myself.
Thankyou.
With Regards,
Lavanya
Hi Kourtlyn here, I was juswanting to know that like if i drink alot of maple syrup at one time will that diffently say in my body turning it immediately in to fat because i reallywant to gain a lot of fat as soon as i can. Also what else will cause me to get really fat as soon as possible?? Please let me know as soon as possible because all of the sudden I am really into wanting to get as fat as possible in the shortest amount of time.
@Lavanya and Koutly
The advice written in this article is meant to be sarcastic. You can take the lessons in the article as things NOT to do in order to live a healthy life. If you are severely underweight or are losing weight overly fast with no lifestyle change you may have a serious disorder. I’d recommend seeing a doctor or health professional soon to diagnose your problems. In any event, trying to drink maple syrup in order to gain fat quickly is never a good idea.
Hiii
am married for 2 years, am too thin i need to be fat more and be sexy. please tell me suggetion to get fat.
Hi
i am married i am very leen . i wanted to become fat.
plz suggest any one food to intake to which i can frequently as dose for the fast imporvement.
Thanks.
Shaziya Khan
hi, i am between a sie 6-8 i love my stomch and thats all i dont want to become obiest i just want some curves because i have a straight body and it not very nice i would love like a shakira body because she has the right curves in the right place and has a really nice toned body please help me achieve a curvier body x x x
i am vairamuthu i am working in maytas. i am so lean. i want to become fat
i was affected by heat allergy. after that i became so fat. i want to become fat. now i am in maharastra.
by
VAIRAM
THE COOL
SHREYA RASIGAR SANGAM
“DON’T BELIEVE RELATIVES”
sorry. one mistake in the above comment . after heat allurgy i am not fat. i became so lean. so i want to become fat. guide me to gain fat.
That is the funniest article I have ever read. I have read many how to lose weight articles but this is my first how to get fat article.
Brandon, great site and cool sarcasm, that I believe was missed by many!
i DO THIS ALL THE TIME i can’t get fat i swear to my mother of jesus!
I couldnt get fat for years. I did all of the above topics. I never exercised, ate shit food, skipped breakfast(still do) and never gained weight. That all changed when I hit about 25 years old. I gained slowly…then quickly. I am a male and went from 5′10′ and 170lbs. with a 31 inch waist and abs and cut arms….and slowy gained. By the time I was 30 I weighed195…no abs and normal arms. Now I am 35 and weigh 245lbs. and am more embarrassed of myself than ever in my whole life. I still practice all the bad habits and put more weight on everytime I go to the doctors. I put on 15 pounds since January. I t is sickening. I am on blood pressure and cholesterol medicine and now have a 38 inch waist. Sad. Please it right….MOST people WILL NOT have the high metabolism in their olser years as the do in the youinger years.
hi
im very thin,i want became fat,help me plz,
i think that i have stress
I wish I was fattt…
hmm seems lik every has da same prblem well ..i was really skiny wen i was 16 yrs old but den i start talkin this protein mass builder (found in ANY GNC live bettter store) also i worked out at da same time however i gained at least 20 lbs.now im 17 and kinda stoped drinking that protein shake and i just eat a lot and go to gym 3 times a week. trust me if u work out u cud make ur self eat a lot . hmm give it a try… i only took lik 3 big bottols cost $40 each …you cud drink it with milk for extra protein and i garangee you u will see da result in da 1st week. take it twice a day! 4 tea spones. one more while u take dat u hav to work out for ur abs to hav a nice flat body
thank you !
Great article. Entertaining and funny. Too bad about the comments…… Some of the hardest to read sentences I have ever seen. Hopefully they are all either 7, or English is not their first language.
Well, I think its not bad to have a thin body, but some people require you to take vitamins and more foods to become fat, so that I just want to have a normal body,. not Fat nor thin…
I am 23 yrs old i wear sz 30 (6) on waist i wld lyk 2 gain few pounds so dat i can wear at least size 32 (8) i have ol da things i can 2 gain weight ei i drink water mayb once o twice a wk,drink soft drinks i dnt go 2 gym at ol spend da whole sitting,eating o sleeping wat can i do 2 gain ma weight Pliz help i rilly want 2 have fit body